Word!

So I have read recently (and in years past) about other bloggers choosing a Word of the Year for their life. I always thought this was a ridiculous and interesting notion. How could a person choose just ONE word that would define their life for the entire year? It seemed absurd to me.

However, at the beginning of this year, I was reading one of my favorite blogs (www.handsfreemama.com) and she uses mantras like "only love today." Maybe she was onto something?

If you ask my friends what I want more than anything else, it is PEACE. Of course, I was looking for peace in my house, my life, and my circumstances.And life doesn't work that way. Life is chaos. Life is unstructured, unpredictable, and unruly. Which can make it feel exciting and adventurous at times. And stressful and grueling at others.

So what am I truly searching for? The answer I discovered right before the beginning of this new year is PEACE. Not peace on the outside though. Peace on the inside. Peace in my soul. Peace in my heart. Peace in my actions and reactions.

After a bit more thought, I chose a word of the year for myself. A word I want to focus on and intentionally make plans to obtain. That word is CALM.

I intend to chase after CALM in my life this year. Not in my surroundings. But within myself. To breathe when I feel chaos inside. To stop for a moment instead of immediately reacting to the outside world. To let go of my own preconceived notions of what peace is or what it should be. To just be. In the midst of my day, chaotic or not, to just be and have my heart and my mind be at peace.

At this point, it sounds unattainable. Impossible. But why should my insides match my outsides? Do I have to own chaos within myself if my environment is chaotic? Or can I remain calm? Can I have that peace that has eluded me for so long? And if I really believe that peace only comes when my circumstances are calm, peaceful, quiet; doesn't that make for a dismal existence?

So I will continue to search, chase, focus on, and run down this word CALM. I will repeat it in my mind when the world around me is in complete disorder. I will say out loud when my home is loud and kids are fighting. I will reach for it. I will obtain it.